Spring is here
By
Jeffrey Fazio
DriveTime Columnist
This
time of the year should be sweet,
but
that is not the case on every city street.
The
following people you should avoid,
as
they simply can not be enjoyed.
The
Thumper
As
you and your "boys,"
cruise
around in your street toys.
Your
music is turned up all the way,
because
you don’t have anything to say.
There
seems to be a real correlation,
between
the level of your car-stereo vibration
and
what you have worth saying.
Some
of us find it truly dismaying.
Seriously,
if you had thoughts worth sharing,
Would
your compact discs be blaring?
If
your car is going thump, thump, thump,
you
are being a thoughtless chump.
Please
turn down that noise
and
stop being one that annoys.
The
Cruiser
As
you cruise through the city super, super slow,
it
is really obvious that you have no place to go.
Maybe
if you had an actual destination,
your
driving might show some motivation.
Instead
you selfishly hold up traffic,
thinking
you are some kind of maverick.
In
actuality you are far from cool,
you
are simply a slow-driving fool.
Please
find a place worthwhile to go,
so
you stop driving so damn slow.
The
Double Parker
Parking
legally is just too hard,
so
you just park in the street
with
complete disregard.
You
stupidly sit there double parked,
because
you are not smart enough
to
get into the spaces that are clearly marked.
I’m
not sure how to convey,
that
turning your flashers on
does
not make this okay.
Please
learn to park against the curbs
and
stop being one that disturbs.
The
Honker
When
you stop to pick up your friend,
a
bad message your honking horn does send.
It
announces that you like making people crazy,
or
that you are simply too lazy.
So
get out and ring the door bell
and
stop creating a living hell.
You
sit their going beep, beep, beep,
not
caring if someone nearby is trying to sleep.
If
you really think it is okay to just sit and toot,
I
graciously offer you a one-finger salute.
Please
stop honking your horn,
and
creating so much scorn.
The
Exhauster
Since
you could not afford the cost,
of
a completely upgraded exhaust,
You
figured that most of it you could skip,
as
long as you just bought an over-sized, shiny tip.
I
suspect that you are not smart enough to know,
that
adding only a larger exhaust tip does not increase flow.
You
are seriously misguided or a complete dork,
if
you think that huge tip actually offered more torque.
All
that annoying appendage really does,
is
give your car a very loud, annoying buzz.
In
your mind you now hear your engine roar.
but
it honestly sounded much better before.
Please
put your car back to how it came from the factory,
because
the way it now sounds is completely unsatisfactory. |